Educated, thanks.

{Paris building & sky, taken by me}

So, I've just watched An Education (yes, a little late but better late than never). Wow. I have to say I'm a little like Jenny (the loving-Paris part) except for being exposed to art history and a good opportunity to study at Oxford. I do feel bad though because for one who loves Paris, I can't, for the life of me, make a full sentence correctly. Except, maybe, to tell you my name. Atrocious. This movie has taught me one thing; action means character. I stole it directly from the movie. That's what Jenny was told by her teacher and she was coming to realize what it meant. By not doing anything you were nobody. That is a little bit scary, no?

I have this complex (let's just call it that, shall we..) whereby I'm stuck in my degree so I feel that if I were to start doing other things, like learn French or actually cook every night (I watched a bit of Julie & Julia on TV yesterday), might just mess up the whole equilibrium of my "situation". I sound like a coward. Maybe I am admitting to myself that I am. Finally. So now I can do something about it. I have no idea where to start. Women are said to be good multitaskers. Where does that leave me? I may be the one of the biggest embarrassments of my sex. So many people are working while studying, but not me.

Yeah, I guess I'm in self-loathing mode. And no Happiness Project nor anything else can stop it. I'm gonna have to work through it by myself and by my own principles and rules.

Recently, I just read Steve Job's Commencement Address at Stanford University. And again I felt bad for myself. I wish I had read it in 2005 (on my birthday, no less!) and not 2011. I hate to talk about how I wish I did something else, but I can't help it. I hate to talk about how much I hate it. And I hate to talk about how it's no use looking back because it's ridiculous, really. I also hate it with a passion when people keep asking me what I am doing and when am I graduating or whether I was working. I'm just waiting to finish my degree and start to change my life. Oh, and I'm terrible with making new friends, absolutely terrible. I need to do something about that too.

Basically I'm having a shitty year so far. Though it's nothing external. Everything's mostly internal. Stupid feelings and thoughts cramming my head. I know it has something to do with it being my final year of uni, but I don't want it to affect my entire year. It is after all the year of the Rabbit and I'm one hopping bunny. It's said to be a good year for those born in the Rabbit year. I certainly hope so. NO. I know so.

p.s. Sorry this post turned out like this. Apologies.

Something to make up for this+lighten the mood: Blind Melon's No Rain. Guaranteed pick-me-up (who can resist the adorable bee girl?). Oh, and Happy Birthday to my lovely friend Shivz :)

peace+love