What Christmas Means to Me

 

{image credit: Flip And Style}

Honestly, Christmas last year was easiest - despite it being the first one without PohPoh around. I was more than happy to not celebrate and keep it all low-key.

This year, however, I thought it wouldn't be fair for the kids to not experience all the joy I experienced as a kid during the Christmas season. So we put up a little tree, I proudly let them decorate it by themselves ( after I fixed the lighting, first, complete with lots of tiny shouts and screams). I'm quite happy I managed to let go on decorating the tree and making sure it looks perfect. It turned out pretty great, the kids are natural decorators! Unfortunately, I decided a little too late to work on any DIY Christmas crafts with the kids. Looking forward to next year for that.

What I remember mostly during Christmas time when I was young : mostly hanging out (playing) at my grandparents' house (they had a bungalow house and a spacious land all around the house), decorating the 7- or 8-foot tree (it was a job for the cousins), lots of sleepover nights at the grandparents', and baking pies and cookies, at least one new piece of clothing (for Christmas eve midnight mass), and the wait for midnight on the Eve to open our presents (I can't remember all the presents I got, but I always felt so lucky to get them).

When I find myself alone with my thoughts about Christmas, they just go (read: RUN) directly to PohPoh and then I'm all sad and nostalgic about the past. I came across a post on social media about what the person remembered about Christmas when they were young; and it wasn't the Christmas presents - it was the smell of the kitchen coming from the baking and cooking, and just all the people that were gathered around. And that is exactly what I remember too. PohPoh would always make sure to bake some cookies and pineapple tarts, at least two chicken stew pies, roast a turkey or pork or chicken, and some more cookies. My Grandpa was always so eager to make those pineapple tarts. He would buy pineapples and just sit there and cook the slices (or cubes?) of pineapple for a whole day. They had to come to a sticky texture. He made his own little stove using bricks and some charcoal and wood (I think), sit on a tiny stool and keep an eye on the pineapple pieces cooking. It was like a ritual for him, tradition. His two falls slowed him down, but my Mum and aunties continued the tradition, but they would buy ready-made pineapple jam. Damn, I miss him. 

Christmas as you see in the ads, in the pictures, they're all full of smiles. Behind the scenes though, it's just full-on stress and everyone getting on each other's nerves. But all that has to happen so that the smiles can be seen, 24th December onwards ☺ Christmas, as I gladly took for granted when I was a kid, will not be the same ever again. But that's life. People grow up, grow old, and all that jazz. Not having the cousins around this year is definitely making it a little bit more strange. But I am grateful and thankful I have my parents, my brother and his family, and my aunts and godpa+godma around to celebrate with.

I was just remembering the time of Christmas 2018 - our last one with PohPoh - when we were in my godpa's home, where we always spend Christmas, ever since PohPoh and Grandpa got older and their kids decided they didn't want to add more pressure on them to host the whole family on Christmas; but I secretly think they would have loved to continue hosting it in their house because they get to see everyone coming to see them in their home, visiting and staying over. Anyway, back to 2018 Christmas time, Zoe was 6 months old and started eating some porridge (or blended veggies and stuff), and I was occupied with her and hadn't had time for a shower, breakfast or just a coffee. PohPoh volunteered to help feed her while I found some time for all that. And I thank my brain at that moment because I decided I had to take a photo of her feeding my baby. I'm sad Zoe didn't get more time with PohPoh, but I can show her that photo so she knows that PohPoh loved her too.

I will need more practice with continuing some of the traditions PohPoh started (or followed from her elders). Slowly but surely. 

I could choose to be sad and gloomy every Christmas. Or I could ask myself "What would PohPoh do?" and kick my own butt off the floor and strive to make each Christmas a memorable one for the family. She has dealt with so much, pain and loss, but she was always there for her family; her kids, her grandkids, her great-grandkids. I think making each Christmas great would be a better way to honor the memories of my grandparents. They would definitely prefer to have a wild one instead of a quiet, piece-of-crap holiday. I'd love to make memories for the kids for when they grow up. Nobody would remember the presents they received (at least not every single one), but they would remember the fun they had, the joy and the delicious food, the smell and the sights.

Here's to doing better. And fuck Covid.

peace+love

Another Year Goes By

Ah, progress! Only one year has passed since my last post.

I thought I'd record this down here. Just a little something about my PohPoh.

So the other day I was calling my Mum and no answer. Then I called Dad, and unfortunately he was not able to answer my call. Then I got into the mood to just talk to someone on a phone call and the next person I thought of: Pohpoh. (It caught me off guard a bit. A bit of a surprise, that it just came up like that.)

But I couldn't call her. Although her phone number is still on my top 5 call list. (Before she passed, she was on the top of that list.) Then it all starts coming back.

All the phone call sessions we had. Because she would always be calling me, at least every other day. If I don't hear from her after 3 days of silence, I'd call her. She would fill me in on what my parents were up to, updates on my brother, what my aunts were up to, anything that our family in Seremban were doing.

Then I remember the last phone call I had with her. Just about 2 or 3 days before she would pass away. I called her, asking her how to cook the perfect 'chuk' (as she would always call it) or porridge. She sounded fine, but her hearing has been going down for a while now, maybe under a year. I just had to speak a little clearer and louder sometimes, that's all. Other than that, she was happy to talk for a bit and I thanked her and went on to make porridge for the kids. I think Joel or Mia was having a fever or flu, which called for the porridge to help. Then a day later (if I remember correctly), my Dad is calling me to tell me she suffered a stroke and is in the hospital.

Today, I was looking for a thermos (hot water flask) and I got reminded about the time I bought PohPoh a new flask because I noticed her current one was so old and falling apart. She was surprised and that made me happy because I love surprises (for me and others). And then I remember that I miss her painfully. So many instances where I would love to have her weigh in on some choices I'd had to make. So many get-togethers I missed or passed on, because I didn't want to go through the drive to Seremban just for a dinner.

And I feel so terrible that I don't miss my Grandpa as much. He was such a rock, a superman for me and my cousins. We were so lucky to have them as grandparents. They just loved us too much, unconditionally. Seeing them before their passing was a bit traumatizing for me. I'm still grateful that I have this memory as a reminder to myself; to try to do the right thing, to check my priorities. They are gone, up in Heaven and in no pain finally. I'm still here. So I'm going to do my best in honoring their memory, while still grieving them. Because the grief doesn't go away and that is okay. It reminds me to say a short prayer for their souls, reminds me of their love for me and mine for them.

x

D

Banes of Social Media Dependancy

Wow. My post title can qualify for a legit article in one of those online news portals.

I've been feeling terrible about myself recently (actually, since the final trimester last year) for a few reasons; the biggest one is being stuck at home and not able to easily go out anywhere whenever I like because of my 2nd baby demanding 90% of my attention. I always find myself putting the blame on our innocent little birdie only to realize later that it's only my own fault in the end. She didn't ask to be born into the world at this particular time in my life, so it's simply outrageous for me to even think about blaming her for anything I can't do.

I typed out these thoughts while breastfeeding my (now) 3-month-old baby:

It's hard to feel grateful for all I have (my loving family, roof over my head, food on the table, Internet access, somewhat clean water, electricity, mobile phone and laptop, car. Basically everything.) when I have a list of things I want to do and accomplish but can't because I have a 2-month old baby and a 2-year-old requiring my attention and care.


Having a kid is no joke. Having 2 is, to me, bonkers. I can't begin to imagine how parents cope with more than 2 children now. We have hired a live-in helper and still I'm struggling. I still feel like I have not enough time to do the things I want to do for myself, for my own personal growth and enjoyment. Because all I can think about doing when I manage to get some free me-time is to watch TV and eat ice cream and only stop when one of the kids wake up. I can't imagine if we didn't have help with the house. Already I feel guilty for not being able to spend enough time with Joel, now that baby Mia cries for milk every 2-3 hours and demands serious attention especially during the day. One thing I am thankful for, she sleeps quite long at night, maybe waking up only twice. She takes short naps in the day and sleeps way longer at night. SO AWESOME. Which means I'm awake in the daytime and awake till late at night. And by late, I'm talking 3 am sleepy times. I'd say I'm sleeping at least 6 hours; sometimes I'm breastfeeding Mia in my sleep. I don't know how but it's one of God's miracles that it's possible.
Since I can't do much else while breastfeeding, and the easiest thing to do is use the phone, I'll be on Instagram and Facebook (the devil). Looking at other people's lives in photos, their travels and holidays, the fancy food they're eating, the out-of-home activities they're doing with friends and loved ones. And that just gets me depressed and sad and hopeless and angry. It's made me into someone who compares what others have/do with what I have/do. It makes me forget that every person's path in life is different, incomparable; no point in feeling terrible just because I haven't experienced what they have experienced. It's made me forget that they haven't experienced what I've experienced, so there. I remind myself that each person's experience comes to them at different points in their lives. I don't HAVE to do those 25 or 30 things by age 25 or 30. Hell, I can do them whenever I can! My time will come when I can go for month-long holidays and cross-country trips. I already have so much; everything else from here on out is a welcome bonus.
I try to keep in touch with friends but everyone is busy. So I remind myself not to text too often; you don't want to look too desperate or like you have too much free time and no social life (but it's true I don't have an active social life, haven't had one since Joel popped in 2014). And then I stay away from the phone for awhile and vow to stay away from social media but that only lasts for a day probably. And when I am with my kids I tend to want to use my phone to take photos and subconsciously plan which ones I should post on Instagram and what the caption should sound like.
Instagram is great, especially to expose yourself to other people's art and culture, but at the same time it can make you feel worthless and small and insignificant and therefore depressed.
I need to constantly remind myself of all the good things I have that are way more important. Sometimes my amazing husband helps me out with that (because honestly, there are some bad days). And then I know I am blessed and feel thankful for all that I do have.
I'm only 29, 30 this year (omg), and I already am blessed with 2 beautiful children (Joel has been amazing - sometimes I have to remind myself he's only 2 - about having someone else stealing his parents' attention sometimes), an amazing just out-of-this-world kind of husband and a loving and caring family, a few (just enough) good friends with that one forever friend who's been there all the time despite living a thousand miles away (definitely more than 1000, it just sounds better).






I'm planning on having an actual camera (probably a DSLR) on-hand to capture every day moments. I try my best not to have my phone around when Joel is around, because he tends to want to play with it, too. Yes. He knows how to use a smartphone. It's crazy with kids these days - he's only TWO! He can't read or write but give him a smartphone or a tablet and he'll find his way to YouTube.

Here's to focusing more on the little things, making tiny memories every day and savouring little moments instead of looking into that black hole of a mobile phone.

xo,

D

Happy New Day

And just like that, it's a whole new year. Unless you're one of those people who like to think that time is just another type of measurement or that time is relative. At least, I'd like to think so. I just saw this phrase the other day: "Day One or One Day, it's up to you." Basically saying we get to choose when our 'Day One' is; it doesn't have to be January 1. That's my kind of saying.

So let's not beat ourselves up so early in the year. Give ourselves some leeway. Christmas was only a month ago (like that's a powerful defense) - I only just kept away my tree. I've come to realize (though I do it again and again, anyway) that it's no point in putting too many unrealistic goals for yourself and then getting discouraged and feeling bad about not achieving them Right Away. I know there's no one to blame for this, so I will say it's my fault for spending too much time on - you guessed it right - social media. 

Instagram and Facebook has become the bane of my everyday life. Every time after I've used them, my mind is tired from being jealous and depressed from all the self-pity while scrolling. Then I tell myself that I will stay away from my phone for as long as possible, to use it only to make or receive calls and to text the husband for groceries. I usually last half a day at least, and then I just have to check on what other people have been up to in the few hours I was away.

Anyway, I'll go on about it in another post. Yes, I have more to say/share. This post is more about pressing the reset/refresh button. 

Here's a few things on my mind for the new year:

- Be grateful for what's happened, thankful for the present and hopeful for what's to come.

- Resolutions rarely work but they're still worth a try as a guide and yardstick.

- start working out 3 to 4 times a week. Do some yoga too.

- work harder to build Kismet Decals to be bigger and better.

- call home more.

- more time spent with Joel.

- less TV, more creative personal work & writing, blogging, journaling, reading, drawing.

Good luck to me with these non-resolutions. I'd like these to be something normal/usual for me to do. Fingers crossed.

xo,

D

Goals and Aspirations

So, I've come up with a few things I'd like to blog about here. I'm more than happy to have this place all to myself if it means making me write more and create more and think more.

As you can see, I was playing around with my Wacom tablet in Photoshop and hope I get better at it in the future *crossed fingers*

Also, I'm seriously considering getting myself a camera - a good one - to push myself to take more photos and 'record' more memories. I know I could do that with my phone, but I don't know. I'm not the biggest fan of taking photos with the phone. Photo quality is also a big factor, if I want a good one for the blog.

Right now, I'm trying to make myself rely less on my phone so that I don't use it too much, especially in front of my son. He's only 2 but he already knows his way around playing with my phone and his dad's phone and the family tablet. YUP. It's scary for me. I detest seeing children all hooked on iPads and tabs; and knowing that my son could be heading in that direction just freaks me out. 

I'm hoping to do better as a Mum to him as soon as I recover from popping our baby #2 out.

SO many things I'm looking forward to:

- seeing our new family member soon

- losing all my pregnancy weight and fitting into my favorite clothes

- working on Kismet more efficiently

- being able to plan and spend quality time with the kids

- being able to travel (near or far) with and without the kids

Well, this turned out to be a patchwork-quilt of a post. I guess I just needed to get it out there.

Here's someone who just came out with new stuff after a hiatus (like me!). Enjoy.

x,

D

The Art of Being Obscure

{a little something I made with this font and floral letters by Piqued & Pensive}

Wow, it's been a long time since I last posted here. If there's one skill I've perfected, it's to be inconsistent. OK, enough of self-deprecation.

I've become inspired (again) to start actively blogging, in the hopes that it will push me to explore and spend more time with my creative side (besides caring for my grown-up cub and one more on the way). It's gotten me thinking about getting a good camera so I can post more of my own photos here instead of using other people's work (unless I'm specially sharing their works here).

A few updates since I've disappeared:

1. We're expecting baby #2! This little bird is due in a month(!!) and we're all excited and overwhelmed at the same time. Mostly when we think about how we're going to handle two small children on our own.
2. I've been all wrapped around launching Kismet Decals, my other baby, and it's been an arduous journey. I'm working on it full time and from home so I can still keep my other job (housewife+mum) just fine. The term "full time" in this context really means "whenever I get some free time to myself". Haha. Now I'll have to juggle those with blogging in the mix! Gonna be a fun ride.
3. For someone who constantly needs to be surrounded by art every day, it's somehow made me lose my own touch of creativity and inspiration. I've been feeling more uninspired and discouraged to explore my own creative side after I spend too much time on Instagram looking at other talented artists' work. I've tried to stay away from Instagram for awhile but that didn't last too long. What I did manage to do was turn off the notifications from Instagram so I wouldn't be bugged to look at it too many times in a day.
4. Our not-so-little cub just turned 2 last month! He's growing and learning fast every day. And of course there are the small tantrums and stunts he will try to pull. All in a day's work for the little guy. He's a pro at tiring himself out every day. Now that I'm waddling around with a big belly, it's getting more tricky to keep up with him. Thankfully I can depend on the hubs to help out when I get really desperate.

That's about all the major updates I can think of as of now. I have a few goals for this cozy little blog's future. Maybe I'll share them in a separate post.

{just decided to share this photo here - us with baby #2 joining the party}

x,

D

New Year New Beginnings

{source}

Hello 2016, you certainly didn't waste time getting here. Time is passing by too quickly. I don't know if it's because I'm so caught up with spending time with the little cub (who's already 15 months old, by the way) or I'm so caught up with house work and facebook and instagram and eating. Most probably both.

I know I've said this many times before, but I'll say it again. Hopefully this time will be the last time I have to say these words: I really, REALLY want to start blogging actively again. I promise myself to do it properly this time round.

I have a rough idea about what I want to post about here and I'm definitely keeping my Music Monday posts.

This year is definitely going to be different, with or without my commitment to this cozy little blog of mine. Things are getting more hectic (nope, not expecting baby #2. Yet.) with our decision to expand the mister's sticker business. We've finally decided to work on launching a line of interior decorative decals ( say hello to Kismet ), though still in the preliminary stage.

I hope that by blogging properly again, I will be inclined to actually work harder at making Kismet something worthwhile and just awesome.

I was reading this article by A Pair and A Spare - Do What You Love: Getting Started ; and I thought, "What have I got to lose by trying?" So here it goes.

To new beginnings. Again. Wish me luck.

{source}

x,

D

Joining the Club

There's only one way to start doing the things you love - actually starting.

So I've put my little blog on Bloglovin' to hopefully drive me to come up with more interesting content over here.

Then again, I'm just happy to keep an eye on my own progress :)

x,

D

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Moving forward

I'm so terribly excited, I don't know what to do and where to start. 

The Mr and I have decided to go ahead with our idea to produce stickers/vinyls/decals for decoration purposes and just plain fun. We haven't yet gotten a good enough portfolio of designs to show but I have so many ideas in my head (and sketchbook) already. 

It's just so exciting and then nerve-wracking. 

Exciting because I can already imagine the designs I want to put out and how we're going to package our products. Nerve-wracking because (again) I'm thinking about how I'm going to spend my time wisely ahead of caring for our cub and keeping house (fairly) well.

On another note, I'm currently working on a mini mail project and a major mail project. The goal is to get the mini one sent out by the end of the week and the major one by the end of the month, or first week of March. Hopefully no later than that. 

The cub is sleeping more in the mornings so I am treating my mornings as a sacred time for myself, to do whatever I want. Which means I'll be having my breakfast and catching up on my personal projects or work while doing laundry. Basically just taking advantage of my free time. 

Sidenote: I have new-found respect for free time. I know I shouldn't regret anything but I do regret not using my free time more wisely before our little cub arrived.

Anyway, here's a sneak-peek of our new exciting venture!

x,

D

One plus one equals three

Happy New Year (a month later)! 

My son arrived safely and we have been very occupied with him since then. It's been a whirlwind of happenings surrounding our little cub. His christening, and monthly doctor's check-ups. Me getting used to having a baby to care for, breastfeed, clothe, bathe and change diapers for. Honestly, I thought it would be tougher but thank God I took to this new routine without to big a hiccup. The lack of sleep and waking up few times in the middle of the night was a shock, but luckily it only lasted for around 2 weeks. I got used to the cub's midnight wake-ups pretty quickly. I think most of this is due to our stay with my parents, they helped out - A LOT. 

The cub and I stayed with my parents for 2.5 months. Only once we moved back to live together with my Mister did I really get the feel of juggling a child and managing your house and yourself. For a while, I felt like I didn't have the time to do anything else - house work, creative time, cooking - on top of seeing my friends on facebook and instagram going places and and just plain going out for dinner/lunch/brunch/ice cream waffles.

I did feel like my life is on pause and our baby's life is on play full-time. Then I decided I couldn't just get stuck like this. For a while, yes. But not for too long. I think 4 months is enough. Time to bounce back, off from baby "holiday". Not forgetting, time to get my pre-baby body back. It might be impossible but it's hella worth the try. The side-effect of working out is keeping healthy, no loss there.

And so my new, new life begins. On top of my wife and mummy duties, I need to have a little outlet for myself. To be able to create something that's mine (besides my beautiful child, with the help of the husband). Even though I've decided to be a stay-at-home mum, I still want to be productive and resourceful. I still want to feel like I'm contributing something, that's why I'm assisting the husband with his business just doing simple admin stuff and also planning to resume piano classes from home. It's not so great to solely depend on your husband for everything, mainly expenditure. 

I'm terrible with new year's resolutions so I just set a motto for myself, for the whole year.

Whatever I want or plan to do, try not to half-ass it. For instance, my plan to revive this little blog.

Hope I do it well.

x, 

D

I Promise

It's been almost a year since I declared that I would be more active in posting here. Well, aren't I a big fat liar.

So many things have happened. My beloved grandfather passed away, I quit my pre-school job, and now I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant (!). 

I still love this little blog of mine and I still have high hopes (and dreams) that it will take off some day to be more significant and interesting to people other than myself.

Our baby boy Joel will be popping out any time soon and I know it won't be the best of times to keep up with a blog, but I am still determined to give this one more shot. I have been doodling and playing around with typography, though it's really super amateur.

I also just started sending mail again. So look out for some photos of that. In the mean time, here are a couple of simple stuff I did.

That's all I have to share for now, from the top of my head. Yes, another thing I need to work on is planning my posts a little better.

Okay, I'm off to wait for our son to pop out, or if I do get something good going on, I'll do another post before he decides to say hello to the world :)

peace & love

Hello, stranger

Wow, I have been the worst at keeping this little blog alive. I want to blame it on the fact that I've been working a full-time job but that wouldn't be fair to others who have blogs and full-time jobs.

For what it's worth, I'm back and I intend to stay and make this little fella into an awesome thing (again).

As much as I do daydream, I hope to post more of my doodles and typography experiments and simple crafty knick knacks here.

For now, I leave you with this.

I realize I didn't share our beautiful day on my "blog" (air-quotes because it's technically not a blog if it's being left alone for ages and ages with nothing interesting to redeem itself). Our videographer friends did an amazing out-of-this-world job, getting it done on the same day to be played for our guests at the dinner. They just captured all the crazy beautiful priceless moments. Just simply amazing. I can't get over it. It's been almost a year now.

peace+love

Lost and Maybe Found

{ Photo by | Edited by }

A little dash of pretty photos and words for a Monday. 

I've been at wit's end trying to think about what I have to do to earn a living. The phrase 'at the crossroads' is an understatement. 

While writing this post, I had a call for an interview. So who knows? Maybe something good is coming. Maybe my new year starts February 2013, so Happy New Year! I want to believe that these are happening because I decided to be serious about working out for health and to keep fit. I was sick for almost 3 weeks in January.

Here's to new beginnings, no matter the date.

peace+love

Listography / To do

While I will not lie that I'm excited about our big day on the 29th this month, I'm also very excited about what's coming our way after that. More specifically, what's coming my way. Or to put it better, where I'll be heading, in terms of livelihood. I've already got my life partner, now all I need to work on is myself. So in the spirit of Bianca's To Do list, here's mine with a twist. 

It's more like a New Year's Resolution list, To-Do style.

*note my need for Photoshop skills. I made this using Paint, bless me.

Also, just wanted to remind myself that I actually lived in the moment last Friday. There was a call for extra talents in a video shoot the next day and I jumped at the chance. I'm quite proud of myself. I didn't over-think and just went for it. It turned out to be super fun and I met so many nice and interesting people. That's something I can tick off my bucket list. (Ooh, another idea for a list. Coming soon)

+One thing I forgot to put on there: I need to figure out what I want to do with this little blog of mine. I would really like this blog to expand and get more readers. Which means I would also need to be more disciplined in providing a good and consistent reading experience here.

I can't believe there's only 18 days to go before the craziness. I keep forgetting that Christmas is around the corner. 

much love & more peace

Remembrances

A few days ago, the mister emailed this post to me about how important it is to utilize your time while you're still alive and I connected with it so much. I'm going through a small rut in terms of what I want to do with my life (job-wise); so many inspirations, I'm like a 'Jack of all trades' but instead of 'trades', I have interests. The Jack of all interests, master of none. 

Not too catchy.

I just want to share a very awesome teaching I got from that Scrawny to Brawny post. 

This is extracted from the 5 Remembrances of Buddhist philosophy:

And this quote came in the email message:

Caretake this moment.

Immerse yourself in its particulars.
Respond to this person, this challenge, this deed.

Quit the evasions.
Stop giving yourself needless trouble.
It is time to really live; to fully inhabit the situation you happen to be in now.

You are not some disinterested bystander.
Exert yourself.

- Epictetus

Love these two sets of words. Simple yet effective. Yes, I'm in that place where I need words to motivate me, push me; towards a more meaningful life (seriously).

Ear-pleaser of the day: Taro - Alt-J

peace+love

Just A Minute...in November

The future mister scored these pretty swag babies at his company dinner. Best door gift idea in the world.

A little late for this but what the hell.

Reading ... (and bawling while at it) Randy Paush's The Last Lecture.
Anticipating ... being jobless for a while. Oh, and my wedding.
Listening ... to some Sigur Ros (post-concert issues) and Jessie Ware.
Making ... long to-do lists involving the house and wedding.
Doing ... last minute exercise and eating efforts so I don't put on weight til the wedding. I need to fit into my dress gracefully, without anything popping.
Going ... for the Sigur Ros concert in Singapore (and missing the one right here in KL) and to Janda Baik for a relaxing weekend getaway-slash-hen's night.
Loving ... the idea of getting married to my best friend in the whole wide world.
Forgetting ... the fact that Christmas is round the corner. We've been so focused on the wedding that we didn't realize that Christmas would be here first. Crazy!


Forgive me if there's a lot of wedding talk around here. It might get a bit corny but hopefully for a while. I made a promise to myself to post more here since I won't be working every day now.

peace+love

{source}

I fear that the decision I make will be another mistake. I just have to be brave and take the plunge.

peace+love

Fail

I have to come to terms with my (big) wedding (dream) plans. I've been swayed too far away by the beautiful wedding sites (here, here, and here, and anywhere else not Malaysian). They made me dream (a helluva) big for when it came to my own wedding day. They made me believe I could DIY favors for each guest, DIY everything and anything. They made me think I could have a garden wedding (I can't because we Catholics have to be married in a church).
But NO. I have 500 (or a little less) guests, and the maximum number of guests American/European/Australian couples have are 150 people. I have been so strict with the guestlist and we still managed to reach 500. Kerraazzyyy.

I need to get out of my dream and come back to reality. The most that I keep thinking about nowadays is the decoration part. There are so many details, and I just don't think I can do that. And I just got a little pep-talk about Malaysian weddings (guests, actually). They wouldn't remember about the decor much, just the food maybe, and how much alcohol they had, and if they had a good dance session after dinner.

So from now on, I'm gonna put up a sign wherever I can see it with these words:

And these shall remain in my thoughts too:

(sidenote: I have officially failed at August Break. It's worse than last year's attempt, goodness gracious me. My only lame excuse shall be that I have started working full-time and am therefore too tired to think of anything (or come up with a photo) to post. Hence the posts about wedding woes full-on. For this, I am terribly sorry. I do dream of one day blogging almost-full-time. For now, it remains a dream, until I develop something to blog about and maybe (hopefully) something handmade-but-awesome to sell.)

peace & love 

Just a minute in June

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Hello July, I hope you'll turn out to be another rocking month, cos June was just the bomb diggidy.

I just wanted to record somewhere that I'm so thankful and grateful for so many things that happened in June.

1. Made a lot of new friends

2. Got a full time job, working with the most chilled boss in the world. 

3. Got my first full-time-job pay. 

4. It was my birthday, and I got so many presents (I usually just get money). I love presents! I wonder how I survived without them for so long.

5. Went to my first ever rooftop party and got blown away. I wish to get more invites to rooftop parties in the future.

6. Played hard by staying up late to go for a gig and having to 4-plus hours of sleep until it's time to wake up for work.
7. Bought tickets to Sigur Ros in Singapore, in November. (!!!!!!)

8. Mum finally came to visit me where I stay with the boy.

Reading... absolutely nothing. Had a typing job to do. Actually still doing it right now. Can't wait to finish it cos I've already reached my deadline oops. But waiting to get back to Peter Hoeg's The Quiet Girl.

Listening... to Jack White, Silverchair, Pearl Jam and random electronic music. Also, discovered local bands Sphere and Enterprise.

Watching... a lot of American Dad!, finished Mad Men, just starting on 30 Rock and planning to start Parks and Rec. Very behind on movies - no time to go out and btjunkie is dead.

Wanting... more time in a day. More days in a week. Just, generally, more time. And also to build up my stamina for a 6-day work week before I start passing out in the train.

Freaking... out. Wedding plans are still on-going but a little bit slow to my liking. Work and the journey to and from work really drains you. I need to boost my energy.

Wishing... I'll be much better at my new job in my second month of work. It's learning process but I hope I absorb faster than a sponge.

Waiting... to develop my first roll of film after a long time of having no films to play with. Hope they turn out okay.

Making... new friends and discovering so many new things. Life is good - amidst the chaos.

|L.O.V.E. - Onra|

peace+love

Past Present Future

OMG How long has it been? Anyway, new things are happening. Okay, maybe just one thing. I got a real job! As an art gallery-retail-boutique assistant. Just into my second week. Yes, I just started on the first of June. I'm learning so much. I can't wait to learn more and be good at what I do.

Plus, it's 8 minutes til I'm 25. 

Since it's (going to be) my birthday, I promise to do (and complete) a few things this month.

-finish at least one roll of film on my Diana F+

-send more mail

-practice the piano more

-sleep earlier (haha)

-take care of my health and fitness better

I think that list has got a bit of wishful thinking but then again, Adeline clearly told me (subtly) that I'm a professional daydreamer, so. Gotta live up to the standard. 

Going to California | Led Zepp

peace+love