Attempt

Here's my attempt at posting photos of myself. Smiling (of a sort).

Hopped out to the mall for a bit to buy cookies for the bro. Did a sideways French braid and it turned out pretty good (hence me posting it up).

peace+love

Sun(ny)day

peace & love

Back in the day

It's Sunday and it just screams "Do Something Fun Now!" to me. Anyway, I was going through old photos and came across these two. Many (and I do mean a whole lotta many) years ago, for the weekend, my godfather (sounds so gangsta, affectionately called 'Godpa'), among other outdoorsy activities, brought me and my cousins to Genting Highlands  and we used to go for horse rides and lessons. (Whoa that's a lot of commas, sorry). It was so awesome and crazy. He's crazy. In all seriousness. Okay I'm exaggerating. I guess different people show their love in different ways.

Yes that is my younger self, concentrating on not falling off and doing it right. I forgot the name of that horse. She was so majestic. Star or Mist or Snow. Dammit. She was the best horse and I was so happy I got to ride it. (Photo credits go to my Godpa) 

 Amazing shot by Godpa. It astounds me that people took really good photographs before digital cameras were around. Amazing.

Happy Sunday. 

peace & love

Reads

(source, editted)

I'm reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest now and I tend to read aloud (okay, whisper) to myself in a Southern accent. It's fun for awhile. Then I get tired and thirsty.

Last week, I finished reading The Great Gatsby and One Day. It's quite crazy because one of the characters in One Day was reading The Great Gatsby, and another was reading Nabokov's Lolita which I want to read later. 

Coincidences.

I kinda miss reading funny romantic novels, they're harder to put down.

Overall, it's been a crazy week. Already.

peace & love

Oh my goodness. A lot can happen in a weekend. In exactly two days (okay I didn't count, I just noticed the days changed). I was looking forward to write about a lot of things here with what I saw and heard but I think I'll just say it all here.
14th October. Friday night, the eve of my Mum's convocation where she's officially a PhD graduate and just hours (minutes?) away from Saturday which would be my Godpa's birthday, 52 years old. Plans have been made. Saturday night we'll all have a big dinner, for the double celebration. Seems like it was just last year that we celebrated his 50th birthday really grandly, dinner and dance and drinks. Time passes by too fast. Sometimes it's to your advantage. Most of the time, not.
We're all in the living room, talking. Which I felt was a rare sight. The TV was off, so rare at a time like this. I guess I'm used to my Godpa's house being noisy whenever we're around. This time it was quieter. It felt like everyone just decided in their heads that they wanted to spend time with each other more, that night, than doing anything else. Topics of conversation deviate from health issues to the Japanese Occupation. Then my grandfather started singing a Japanese song, right after telling us his experiences during the occupation. I will never imagine what he went through.
Midnight comes and we sing Happy Birthday and we cut a cake and we eat some and talk some more. Very soon it's time to sleep because some of us need to wake up by 5:45 for my Mum's convocation in the morning. Everything's fine till we get home and my aunt Christine feels really ill, it's hard for her to breathe, she's asthmatic. While we were at the university, she was brought to the clinic for a dose from the nebulizer. As afternoon came, it got worse. A supposed happy day was slowly turning into a sombre one.
On a side note, my cousin was getting weird signs all day. Like they were trying to tell her something, warn her. I don't know.
As my parents decide to drive back to Seremban to get my aunt admitted into the hospital there, where they have her records, my Godpa gets a feeling that maybe they should just take her to a hospital closer by. Turns out my aunt could have not made it through the ride to Seremban. She was supposed to fly back to Perth but that's small matter now.
All of this was just so overwhelming for me. Signs and feelings and instances. I've experienced, for the first time, the significance of chance and the effects of following a gut feeling.
I was going to do a little dedication to my Mum for all her hard work. But I've already let her know how proud I am of her so I don't need some space on the web to go on about it.
What I can't say enough and will never be able to is how fortunate my whole family is because of my Godpa. I don't know what we'll do without him. I am very convinced there is no one in this world like him. I have never met anyone who is as generous and helpful as he is. As reliable. As loving. The things he does for his family just baffles me.
Right now, my aunt is breathing with the help of a ventilator. I'm just staying positive.

This weekend was hands down the worst. It's all about timing. I know I'm missing out a few details but these are all that are still in my mind.

Sorry for the long story I just needed to get it out.

beached

I just remembered about the time my cousins and I rented an apartment by the beach. We drank alot and then went to the beach for a swim and a banana-boat ride. I remember I was finding it really hard to climb up to the boat (it's not a real wooden boat or anything, it's more of a fun-time air-filled float). I just kept falling off instead. I guess I was a little tipsy. It was so fun. I'm just glad I didn't have to see myself, though I did later (from the photos). 

Now I feel like a beach holiday. It's been too long. 

Unambitious

I'm not in love with what I do. Yet. But I'm trying to fall in love with it soon. It's like an arranged marriage, really. Get married first, fall in love later. I don't condone arranged marriages. Yes some end up happily ever after. And some end up in the hospital (if you know what I mean).
I would love to follow my passion but I'm not sure it's going to help pay the bills just yet.
I guess I just have to do it part-time. Life is full of part-time.

I realize I have many posts about this. I'm sorry, I'm the most indecisive person I know. From choosing what to wear to big life decisions. Somebody get me a life coach. Oh wait, I can't pay for that.

For now it's living day to day, trying to be better at my job. It definitely blows that my heart is not in it a hundred percent. I wish it was so that I don't have to be so depressed with life. Right now I feel very unfulfilled. Nothing is right, nothing is wrong. Unambitious. I don't have a clear goal. I need to work on that soon.

{source}

peace+love

Cocoon

I wish I wrote this.

List fetish

Just a few things I needed to list out:
-My mum's graduation is coming up and I need to prepare a short speech at the celebration dinner. Kinda excited.

-I actually wrote something. With a pencil. And now I'm a little lazy to type it out. But I will, eventually. I need to know how many words I wrote.

-Adeline's post reminded me of the 8 past issues of NatGeo Magazine that I bought a few months back, still stashed in my moving-in box. Yes, I haven't fully unpacked. Sue me.

-Working 3 days this week. Gonna be a challenge, but definitely rewarding.

-Arrested Development is gonna be back, for another season and then a movie. Best news since I checked my final exam results!

peace+love

Images for Songs [Part Deux]

I just felt like Frenching up "two".

For Part 2, I don't have as many photos and they're all from the same photographer. I don't know I just like her style and it just goes so well with the song.

Magdalena by A Perfect Circle

I just picture this girl with her secrets but I don't know how she looks like, it's all so mysterious. Yet, you believe she's real and she's there, and not some dream or imagination. You almost worship her or just the idea of her because you feel the need to believe in a higher power, somewhere. 

I guess these images help conjure the gist of the song, who knows what it actually means. I'm not into analyzing every line of the song. It's the song as a whole that I listen to, the harmony, the instruments, the melody.

Plus, Maynard James Keenan's voice is that of an angel. I really can't describe it. It's too perfect. Listen to 3 Libras and you will know what I'm talking about. (It's listen on my sidebar. Checkit!)

peace+love

Kicking the Habit

(for photo source, just hover on the images. All are from flickr.)

[source]

I've been killing myself thinking about what to write lately. I know in my heart that I'm losing my touch at writing because I'm kinda hooked on watching TV shows and movies. It's like smoking, but there's no patch I can wear to try and quit. I've always been telling myself that I should stay away from the computer (internet, really) and just read a book or start writing something or explore my artsy side with collages (I have a few crazy artsy magazines with nice art at my disposal). But somehow, it never works out. I always end up not being in the mood for anything but whore out to the internet (being on Tumblr and being subscribed to so many blogs takes me on a journey to other sites, so I could be in front of the screen for 3 hours, maybe?).

And after I realize how long I spent in front of the computer, I hate myself. And in the process, I hate myself even more because I'm reading other people's writings and seeing other people's photographs and I think to myself, "Why can't I do that?" I get frustrated sometimes when I spend so much time reading other people's words when I could use that time to focus on myself but then again I feel like it's good exposure for me to be aware of what other people are doing and experiencing and talking about.

Whenever I think about doing the stuff that I want to do (and I've been talking about them alot here, too) but just don't, I know I'm the one to blame.
I'm an addict. A TV addict. I just feel I can't improve myself further because of it. I don't have a TV here but anything is just a download away on the internet. Actually being on the internet is worse than watching real TV because sometimes there is just plain ol' crap on TV which then forces you to switch it off and go do something to refresh your mind.

But with such easy access to the internet, my willpower is too weak to overcome it. I do hope I can fight it and try to moderate my internet usage. I have to check my email everyday even though I am not some media person. I'm just subscribed to websites and blogs, really. That's where my email comes in handy. Social media does not help as well. As much as I hate facebook, I find myself logging in at least once a day just to check if anyone's written on my "wall" or "liked" my link. I think I disgust myself at least once a day because of this. I am almost at complete loss as to what to do.

Yes I know there is self-help. I need to get on that. I know the perfect place.

Anyways, I am quite proud of myself in terms of being more independent. For me, it's a huge deal. I realize I depend a lot on other people and can't drive out to malls or other places by myself. But so far this year I've been better at it - going everywhere by myself. Oh and my driving, I have to say, is slowly getting more suitable for someone living in KL (okay so I'm actually staying in Subang, but I miss Cheras every other day).

I want to be better. At everything I'm into. Soon, most definitely.

peace+love