Banes of Social Media Dependancy

Wow. My post title can qualify for a legit article in one of those online news portals.

I've been feeling terrible about myself recently (actually, since the final trimester last year) for a few reasons; the biggest one is being stuck at home and not able to easily go out anywhere whenever I like because of my 2nd baby demanding 90% of my attention. I always find myself putting the blame on our innocent little birdie only to realize later that it's only my own fault in the end. She didn't ask to be born into the world at this particular time in my life, so it's simply outrageous for me to even think about blaming her for anything I can't do.

I typed out these thoughts while breastfeeding my (now) 3-month-old baby:

It's hard to feel grateful for all I have (my loving family, roof over my head, food on the table, Internet access, somewhat clean water, electricity, mobile phone and laptop, car. Basically everything.) when I have a list of things I want to do and accomplish but can't because I have a 2-month old baby and a 2-year-old requiring my attention and care.


Having a kid is no joke. Having 2 is, to me, bonkers. I can't begin to imagine how parents cope with more than 2 children now. We have hired a live-in helper and still I'm struggling. I still feel like I have not enough time to do the things I want to do for myself, for my own personal growth and enjoyment. Because all I can think about doing when I manage to get some free me-time is to watch TV and eat ice cream and only stop when one of the kids wake up. I can't imagine if we didn't have help with the house. Already I feel guilty for not being able to spend enough time with Joel, now that baby Mia cries for milk every 2-3 hours and demands serious attention especially during the day. One thing I am thankful for, she sleeps quite long at night, maybe waking up only twice. She takes short naps in the day and sleeps way longer at night. SO AWESOME. Which means I'm awake in the daytime and awake till late at night. And by late, I'm talking 3 am sleepy times. I'd say I'm sleeping at least 6 hours; sometimes I'm breastfeeding Mia in my sleep. I don't know how but it's one of God's miracles that it's possible.
Since I can't do much else while breastfeeding, and the easiest thing to do is use the phone, I'll be on Instagram and Facebook (the devil). Looking at other people's lives in photos, their travels and holidays, the fancy food they're eating, the out-of-home activities they're doing with friends and loved ones. And that just gets me depressed and sad and hopeless and angry. It's made me into someone who compares what others have/do with what I have/do. It makes me forget that every person's path in life is different, incomparable; no point in feeling terrible just because I haven't experienced what they have experienced. It's made me forget that they haven't experienced what I've experienced, so there. I remind myself that each person's experience comes to them at different points in their lives. I don't HAVE to do those 25 or 30 things by age 25 or 30. Hell, I can do them whenever I can! My time will come when I can go for month-long holidays and cross-country trips. I already have so much; everything else from here on out is a welcome bonus.
I try to keep in touch with friends but everyone is busy. So I remind myself not to text too often; you don't want to look too desperate or like you have too much free time and no social life (but it's true I don't have an active social life, haven't had one since Joel popped in 2014). And then I stay away from the phone for awhile and vow to stay away from social media but that only lasts for a day probably. And when I am with my kids I tend to want to use my phone to take photos and subconsciously plan which ones I should post on Instagram and what the caption should sound like.
Instagram is great, especially to expose yourself to other people's art and culture, but at the same time it can make you feel worthless and small and insignificant and therefore depressed.
I need to constantly remind myself of all the good things I have that are way more important. Sometimes my amazing husband helps me out with that (because honestly, there are some bad days). And then I know I am blessed and feel thankful for all that I do have.
I'm only 29, 30 this year (omg), and I already am blessed with 2 beautiful children (Joel has been amazing - sometimes I have to remind myself he's only 2 - about having someone else stealing his parents' attention sometimes), an amazing just out-of-this-world kind of husband and a loving and caring family, a few (just enough) good friends with that one forever friend who's been there all the time despite living a thousand miles away (definitely more than 1000, it just sounds better).






I'm planning on having an actual camera (probably a DSLR) on-hand to capture every day moments. I try my best not to have my phone around when Joel is around, because he tends to want to play with it, too. Yes. He knows how to use a smartphone. It's crazy with kids these days - he's only TWO! He can't read or write but give him a smartphone or a tablet and he'll find his way to YouTube.

Here's to focusing more on the little things, making tiny memories every day and savouring little moments instead of looking into that black hole of a mobile phone.

xo,

D

Happy New Day

And just like that, it's a whole new year. Unless you're one of those people who like to think that time is just another type of measurement or that time is relative. At least, I'd like to think so. I just saw this phrase the other day: "Day One or One Day, it's up to you." Basically saying we get to choose when our 'Day One' is; it doesn't have to be January 1. That's my kind of saying.

So let's not beat ourselves up so early in the year. Give ourselves some leeway. Christmas was only a month ago (like that's a powerful defense) - I only just kept away my tree. I've come to realize (though I do it again and again, anyway) that it's no point in putting too many unrealistic goals for yourself and then getting discouraged and feeling bad about not achieving them Right Away. I know there's no one to blame for this, so I will say it's my fault for spending too much time on - you guessed it right - social media. 

Instagram and Facebook has become the bane of my everyday life. Every time after I've used them, my mind is tired from being jealous and depressed from all the self-pity while scrolling. Then I tell myself that I will stay away from my phone for as long as possible, to use it only to make or receive calls and to text the husband for groceries. I usually last half a day at least, and then I just have to check on what other people have been up to in the few hours I was away.

Anyway, I'll go on about it in another post. Yes, I have more to say/share. This post is more about pressing the reset/refresh button. 

Here's a few things on my mind for the new year:

- Be grateful for what's happened, thankful for the present and hopeful for what's to come.

- Resolutions rarely work but they're still worth a try as a guide and yardstick.

- start working out 3 to 4 times a week. Do some yoga too.

- work harder to build Kismet Decals to be bigger and better.

- call home more.

- more time spent with Joel.

- less TV, more creative personal work & writing, blogging, journaling, reading, drawing.

Good luck to me with these non-resolutions. I'd like these to be something normal/usual for me to do. Fingers crossed.

xo,

D

Just a Minute in November

{Shyama Golden's Floral Pattern}

Hello and goodbye November (in a few hours' time)!

It's been a while but I have a valid reason - I was busy going through the final weeks of pregnancy (back aches and preterm labor/contractions, I don't miss you) and then finally giving birth to our second child.

Here's what I've been up to this month:

Reading ... Haruki Murakami's 'The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle' (still!) and just started Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (again). I initially started Harry Potter to read to baby while I breastfed her and while she was awake and kicking with nothing else to do. After a few pages I got hooked again and decided to continue reading it for myself (bad mom alert). And now I'm already planning a Harry Potter movie marathon - I kinda lost interest after the 3rd or 4th one, but now I want to try to watch all of them.

Eating ... quite healthy compared to when I was pregnant. Anything that can help with producing enough milk for the little one.

Doing ... minimal work for Kismet, which is making me feel very guilty. Looking forward to do more once I get back home (I'm currently staying with my parents for my 1-month confinement period after delivery)

Missing ... the husband and our home, though I'm so thankful and grateful to be able to spend our baby's first month with my parents and relatives in our hometown.

Planning ... A LOT - for our house, for my son, for Kismet, for myself; it's a circus right now in my head. Need to get back home to my journal and my stationery and my craft station.

Anticipating ... getting my pre-baby body back and then more 'cos my pre-baby body was still a work in progress and then just as I was getting into a good workout routine, we find out I'm pregnant again (heh).

x,

D

Goals and Aspirations

So, I've come up with a few things I'd like to blog about here. I'm more than happy to have this place all to myself if it means making me write more and create more and think more.

As you can see, I was playing around with my Wacom tablet in Photoshop and hope I get better at it in the future *crossed fingers*

Also, I'm seriously considering getting myself a camera - a good one - to push myself to take more photos and 'record' more memories. I know I could do that with my phone, but I don't know. I'm not the biggest fan of taking photos with the phone. Photo quality is also a big factor, if I want a good one for the blog.

Right now, I'm trying to make myself rely less on my phone so that I don't use it too much, especially in front of my son. He's only 2 but he already knows his way around playing with my phone and his dad's phone and the family tablet. YUP. It's scary for me. I detest seeing children all hooked on iPads and tabs; and knowing that my son could be heading in that direction just freaks me out. 

I'm hoping to do better as a Mum to him as soon as I recover from popping our baby #2 out.

SO many things I'm looking forward to:

- seeing our new family member soon

- losing all my pregnancy weight and fitting into my favorite clothes

- working on Kismet more efficiently

- being able to plan and spend quality time with the kids

- being able to travel (near or far) with and without the kids

Well, this turned out to be a patchwork-quilt of a post. I guess I just needed to get it out there.

Here's someone who just came out with new stuff after a hiatus (like me!). Enjoy.

x,

D

The Art of Being Obscure

{a little something I made with this font and floral letters by Piqued & Pensive}

Wow, it's been a long time since I last posted here. If there's one skill I've perfected, it's to be inconsistent. OK, enough of self-deprecation.

I've become inspired (again) to start actively blogging, in the hopes that it will push me to explore and spend more time with my creative side (besides caring for my grown-up cub and one more on the way). It's gotten me thinking about getting a good camera so I can post more of my own photos here instead of using other people's work (unless I'm specially sharing their works here).

A few updates since I've disappeared:

1. We're expecting baby #2! This little bird is due in a month(!!) and we're all excited and overwhelmed at the same time. Mostly when we think about how we're going to handle two small children on our own.
2. I've been all wrapped around launching Kismet Decals, my other baby, and it's been an arduous journey. I'm working on it full time and from home so I can still keep my other job (housewife+mum) just fine. The term "full time" in this context really means "whenever I get some free time to myself". Haha. Now I'll have to juggle those with blogging in the mix! Gonna be a fun ride.
3. For someone who constantly needs to be surrounded by art every day, it's somehow made me lose my own touch of creativity and inspiration. I've been feeling more uninspired and discouraged to explore my own creative side after I spend too much time on Instagram looking at other talented artists' work. I've tried to stay away from Instagram for awhile but that didn't last too long. What I did manage to do was turn off the notifications from Instagram so I wouldn't be bugged to look at it too many times in a day.
4. Our not-so-little cub just turned 2 last month! He's growing and learning fast every day. And of course there are the small tantrums and stunts he will try to pull. All in a day's work for the little guy. He's a pro at tiring himself out every day. Now that I'm waddling around with a big belly, it's getting more tricky to keep up with him. Thankfully I can depend on the hubs to help out when I get really desperate.

That's about all the major updates I can think of as of now. I have a few goals for this cozy little blog's future. Maybe I'll share them in a separate post.

{just decided to share this photo here - us with baby #2 joining the party}

x,

D