Another Year Goes By

Ah, progress! Only one year has passed since my last post.

I thought I'd record this down here. Just a little something about my PohPoh.

So the other day I was calling my Mum and no answer. Then I called Dad, and unfortunately he was not able to answer my call. Then I got into the mood to just talk to someone on a phone call and the next person I thought of: Pohpoh. (It caught me off guard a bit. A bit of a surprise, that it just came up like that.)

But I couldn't call her. Although her phone number is still on my top 5 call list. (Before she passed, she was on the top of that list.) Then it all starts coming back.

All the phone call sessions we had. Because she would always be calling me, at least every other day. If I don't hear from her after 3 days of silence, I'd call her. She would fill me in on what my parents were up to, updates on my brother, what my aunts were up to, anything that our family in Seremban were doing.

Then I remember the last phone call I had with her. Just about 2 or 3 days before she would pass away. I called her, asking her how to cook the perfect 'chuk' (as she would always call it) or porridge. She sounded fine, but her hearing has been going down for a while now, maybe under a year. I just had to speak a little clearer and louder sometimes, that's all. Other than that, she was happy to talk for a bit and I thanked her and went on to make porridge for the kids. I think Joel or Mia was having a fever or flu, which called for the porridge to help. Then a day later (if I remember correctly), my Dad is calling me to tell me she suffered a stroke and is in the hospital.

Today, I was looking for a thermos (hot water flask) and I got reminded about the time I bought PohPoh a new flask because I noticed her current one was so old and falling apart. She was surprised and that made me happy because I love surprises (for me and others). And then I remember that I miss her painfully. So many instances where I would love to have her weigh in on some choices I'd had to make. So many get-togethers I missed or passed on, because I didn't want to go through the drive to Seremban just for a dinner.

And I feel so terrible that I don't miss my Grandpa as much. He was such a rock, a superman for me and my cousins. We were so lucky to have them as grandparents. They just loved us too much, unconditionally. Seeing them before their passing was a bit traumatizing for me. I'm still grateful that I have this memory as a reminder to myself; to try to do the right thing, to check my priorities. They are gone, up in Heaven and in no pain finally. I'm still here. So I'm going to do my best in honoring their memory, while still grieving them. Because the grief doesn't go away and that is okay. It reminds me to say a short prayer for their souls, reminds me of their love for me and mine for them.

x

D