Honestly, Christmas last year was easiest - despite it being the first one without PohPoh around. I was more than happy to not celebrate and keep it all low-key.
This year, however, I thought it wouldn't be fair for the kids to not experience all the joy I experienced as a kid during the Christmas season. So we put up a little tree, I proudly let them decorate it by themselves ( after I fixed the lighting, first, complete with lots of tiny shouts and screams). I'm quite happy I managed to let go on decorating the tree and making sure it looks perfect. It turned out pretty great, the kids are natural decorators! Unfortunately, I decided a little too late to work on any DIY Christmas crafts with the kids. Looking forward to next year for that.
What I remember mostly during Christmas time when I was young : mostly hanging out (playing) at my grandparents' house (they had a bungalow house and a spacious land all around the house), decorating the 7- or 8-foot tree (it was a job for the cousins), lots of sleepover nights at the grandparents', and baking pies and cookies, at least one new piece of clothing (for Christmas eve midnight mass), and the wait for midnight on the Eve to open our presents (I can't remember all the presents I got, but I always felt so lucky to get them).
When I find myself alone with my thoughts about Christmas, they just go (read: RUN) directly to PohPoh and then I'm all sad and nostalgic about the past. I came across a post on social media about what the person remembered about Christmas when they were young; and it wasn't the Christmas presents - it was the smell of the kitchen coming from the baking and cooking, and just all the people that were gathered around. And that is exactly what I remember too. PohPoh would always make sure to bake some cookies and pineapple tarts, at least two chicken stew pies, roast a turkey or pork or chicken, and some more cookies. My Grandpa was always so eager to make those pineapple tarts. He would buy pineapples and just sit there and cook the slices (or cubes?) of pineapple for a whole day. They had to come to a sticky texture. He made his own little stove using bricks and some charcoal and wood (I think), sit on a tiny stool and keep an eye on the pineapple pieces cooking. It was like a ritual for him, tradition. His two falls slowed him down, but my Mum and aunties continued the tradition, but they would buy ready-made pineapple jam. Damn, I miss him.
Christmas as you see in the ads, in the pictures, they're all full of smiles. Behind the scenes though, it's just full-on stress and everyone getting on each other's nerves. But all that has to happen so that the smiles can be seen, 24th December onwards ☺ Christmas, as I gladly took for granted when I was a kid, will not be the same ever again. But that's life. People grow up, grow old, and all that jazz. Not having the cousins around this year is definitely making it a little bit more strange. But I am grateful and thankful I have my parents, my brother and his family, and my aunts and godpa+godma around to celebrate with.
I was just remembering the time of Christmas 2018 - our last one with PohPoh - when we were in my godpa's home, where we always spend Christmas, ever since PohPoh and Grandpa got older and their kids decided they didn't want to add more pressure on them to host the whole family on Christmas; but I secretly think they would have loved to continue hosting it in their house because they get to see everyone coming to see them in their home, visiting and staying over. Anyway, back to 2018 Christmas time, Zoe was 6 months old and started eating some porridge (or blended veggies and stuff), and I was occupied with her and hadn't had time for a shower, breakfast or just a coffee. PohPoh volunteered to help feed her while I found some time for all that. And I thank my brain at that moment because I decided I had to take a photo of her feeding my baby. I'm sad Zoe didn't get more time with PohPoh, but I can show her that photo so she knows that PohPoh loved her too.
I will need more practice with continuing some of the traditions PohPoh started (or followed from her elders). Slowly but surely.
I could choose to be sad and gloomy every Christmas. Or I could ask myself "What would PohPoh do?" and kick my own butt off the floor and strive to make each Christmas a memorable one for the family. She has dealt with so much, pain and loss, but she was always there for her family; her kids, her grandkids, her great-grandkids. I think making each Christmas great would be a better way to honor the memories of my grandparents. They would definitely prefer to have a wild one instead of a quiet, piece-of-crap holiday. I'd love to make memories for the kids for when they grow up. Nobody would remember the presents they received (at least not every single one), but they would remember the fun they had, the joy and the delicious food, the smell and the sights.
Here's to doing better. And fuck Covid.
peace+love
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