breathtaking photos taken from Vaatalya's Instagram
x,
D
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Himachal Pradesh
Very early on, I decided I wouldn't travel to India. There are a few reasons as to how I came to this decision. And recently I decided I might just add it to my list of must-visit places. Only two reasons (so far) that changed my mind: The Darjeeling Limited and this retreat called Vaatalya in Himachal Pradesh, a state in northern India.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
Just a Minute in January
Whoopsy-do, missed it again!
Just a few things I've been up to in January:
Watching ... The Office (US) and only just finished the last episode of the final season today. (Just in time for a new month to get hooked on a 'new' show.) Cried. So many clever stupid lines. The writers of the show : kudos. Well done, guys. At first, I'd be annoyed at all the silly (OK, plain asinine) things Michael Scott did; but after he left, I wasn't all too excited to continue watching. And I teared up to see him back for a bit for the finale. Lucky for the Jim+Pam story, I had to keep watching and then to cry at some points. I kinda felt like Jim+Pam was me+my man; almost too similar! (Married with two kids, husband with plans to start his own business related to his passion). Another favorite part of the show is whenever Jim looks at the camera. And way to go with the guest appearances! Love them all.
Reading ... still working on Murakami's The Wind-up Bird Chronicle. A little tougher to go through (for me) than Norwegian Wood. I have 1Q84 untouched and waiting for me. Oh bless me. But I'm looking forward to starting Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Memories of My Melancholy Whores (thank you, Meena!)
Eating ... anything I feel like eating, and at any time of the day. Which is terrible and makes me feel like crap after. My excuse to myself is that I'm breastfeeding so I get to eat anything in the hopes of helping with good milk flow. (nope, it doesn't work that way.)
Feeling ... like a half-ass mum right now. I realize I'm not putting enough effort in spending quality time with Joel. Need to work on that a lot more. Tending to Mia keeps me away from him because he always gets too excited around her and ends up hurting himself, Mia or me, or all of us at the same time. Anticipating for the day Mia is old enough so they can play together and it'll be easier to spend time with them both.
Doing ... more work for Kismet which explains why I'm spending less time with my son. Seems to me like the only time I get to do work is after they've gone to bed for the night (between 11 and midnight) until Mia wakes up for her midnight-early AM meal. One night, I ended up sleeping at 5AM, enjoying the quiet time I had to myself and woke up around 10AM. Not the best thing to do. But it does seem like that's my only choice for now, while Mia is still an infant. Once she hits the 6 to 7-month mark, it should get easier for all of us. *fingers crossed*
Dreaming ... of our holiday plan to Tioman Island with the family. I hope it works out, though I know it's going to be crazy tiring for both of us being out of the house for more than 2 hours with 2 young kids for the first time. Also dreaming of the possibility of a "honeymoon" trip - just the 2 of us - to somewhere, anywhere. But now that I think about it, what's the rush? We're still young, it will definitely happen when it's time for it to happen. Judging from my experience so far, everything that's happened is by God's grace, so I have faith things will work out in time.
Planning ... my weight-loss journey. First with yoga, and then when it's easier to be away from the kids for a longer period of time - join a gym and get personal training lessons. Much easier if I had a yoga/gym buddy, definitely. Hope for the best.
Scouting ... the internet for artists and illustrators to convince them to collaborate with Kismet Decals. It can get quite tiring and draining.
Staying ... away from social media (FB and Instagram) as much as I can. I've just started to revisit classical music (thank God for Spotify) and it's definitely awakened my lost-for-awhile love for enchanting and beautiful melodies made with the piano. I also decided to dive into the vast ocean of knowledge that is TED Talks by downloading the app onto my phone. Besides that, I've decided to do more reading of good blogs of substantial quality. I downloaded this reader app called Feedly and it's making me so happy. It's only Day 1 and I'm already significantly more happy with life. Also helped that I got a surprising text from a lovely friend. Really, you never know the power/importance of reaching out to someone until it happens to you. Instead of scrolling endlessly on Instagram/FB, take some time out to text that one person you haven't talked to in a while, just to check in if nothing else.
Listening ... to lots of classical piano music. I was thinking of making a list of songs mentioned in The Wind-up Bird Chronicle, but after a few google searches, I discovered that it's been done before. Maybe I'll just share my favorite piece of music in every blogpost.
x,
D
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Banes of Social Media Dependancy
Wow. My post title can qualify for a legit article in one of those online news portals.
I've been feeling terrible about myself recently (actually, since the final trimester last year) for a few reasons; the biggest one is being stuck at home and not able to easily go out anywhere whenever I like because of my 2nd baby demanding 90% of my attention. I always find myself putting the blame on our innocent little birdie only to realize later that it's only my own fault in the end. She didn't ask to be born into the world at this particular time in my life, so it's simply outrageous for me to even think about blaming her for anything I can't do.
I typed out these thoughts while breastfeeding my (now) 3-month-old baby:
It's hard to feel grateful for all I have (my loving family, roof over my head, food on the table, Internet access, somewhat clean water, electricity, mobile phone and laptop, car. Basically everything.) when I have a list of things I want to do and accomplish but can't because I have a 2-month old baby and a 2-year-old requiring my attention and care.
Having a kid is no joke. Having 2 is, to me, bonkers. I can't begin to imagine how parents cope with more than 2 children now. We have hired a live-in helper and still I'm struggling. I still feel like I have not enough time to do the things I want to do for myself, for my own personal growth and enjoyment. Because all I can think about doing when I manage to get some free me-time is to watch TV and eat ice cream and only stop when one of the kids wake up. I can't imagine if we didn't have help with the house. Already I feel guilty for not being able to spend enough time with Joel, now that baby Mia cries for milk every 2-3 hours and demands serious attention especially during the day. One thing I am thankful for, she sleeps quite long at night, maybe waking up only twice. She takes short naps in the day and sleeps way longer at night. SO AWESOME. Which means I'm awake in the daytime and awake till late at night. And by late, I'm talking 3 am sleepy times. I'd say I'm sleeping at least 6 hours; sometimes I'm breastfeeding Mia in my sleep. I don't know how but it's one of God's miracles that it's possible.
Since I can't do much else while breastfeeding, and the easiest thing to do is use the phone, I'll be on Instagram and Facebook (the devil). Looking at other people's lives in photos, their travels and holidays, the fancy food they're eating, the out-of-home activities they're doing with friends and loved ones. And that just gets me depressed and sad and hopeless and angry. It's made me into someone who compares what others have/do with what I have/do. It makes me forget that every person's path in life is different, incomparable; no point in feeling terrible just because I haven't experienced what they have experienced. It's made me forget that they haven't experienced what I've experienced, so there. I remind myself that each person's experience comes to them at different points in their lives. I don't HAVE to do those 25 or 30 things by age 25 or 30. Hell, I can do them whenever I can! My time will come when I can go for month-long holidays and cross-country trips. I already have so much; everything else from here on out is a welcome bonus.
I try to keep in touch with friends but everyone is busy. So I remind myself not to text too often; you don't want to look too desperate or like you have too much free time and no social life (but it's true I don't have an active social life, haven't had one since Joel popped in 2014). And then I stay away from the phone for awhile and vow to stay away from social media but that only lasts for a day probably. And when I am with my kids I tend to want to use my phone to take photos and subconsciously plan which ones I should post on Instagram and what the caption should sound like.
Instagram is great, especially to expose yourself to other people's art and culture, but at the same time it can make you feel worthless and small and insignificant and therefore depressed.
I need to constantly remind myself of all the good things I have that are way more important. Sometimes my amazing husband helps me out with that (because honestly, there are some bad days). And then I know I am blessed and feel thankful for all that I do have.
I'm only 29, 30 this year (omg), and I already am blessed with 2 beautiful children (Joel has been amazing - sometimes I have to remind myself he's only 2 - about having someone else stealing his parents' attention sometimes), an amazing just out-of-this-world kind of husband and a loving and caring family, a few (just enough) good friends with that one forever friend who's been there all the time despite living a thousand miles away (definitely more than 1000, it just sounds better).
I'm planning on having an actual camera (probably a DSLR) on-hand to capture every day moments. I try my best not to have my phone around when Joel is around, because he tends to want to play with it, too. Yes. He knows how to use a smartphone. It's crazy with kids these days - he's only TWO! He can't read or write but give him a smartphone or a tablet and he'll find his way to YouTube.
Here's to focusing more on the little things, making tiny memories every day and savouring little moments instead of looking into that black hole of a mobile phone.
I've been feeling terrible about myself recently (actually, since the final trimester last year) for a few reasons; the biggest one is being stuck at home and not able to easily go out anywhere whenever I like because of my 2nd baby demanding 90% of my attention. I always find myself putting the blame on our innocent little birdie only to realize later that it's only my own fault in the end. She didn't ask to be born into the world at this particular time in my life, so it's simply outrageous for me to even think about blaming her for anything I can't do.
I typed out these thoughts while breastfeeding my (now) 3-month-old baby:
It's hard to feel grateful for all I have (my loving family, roof over my head, food on the table, Internet access, somewhat clean water, electricity, mobile phone and laptop, car. Basically everything.) when I have a list of things I want to do and accomplish but can't because I have a 2-month old baby and a 2-year-old requiring my attention and care.
Having a kid is no joke. Having 2 is, to me, bonkers. I can't begin to imagine how parents cope with more than 2 children now. We have hired a live-in helper and still I'm struggling. I still feel like I have not enough time to do the things I want to do for myself, for my own personal growth and enjoyment. Because all I can think about doing when I manage to get some free me-time is to watch TV and eat ice cream and only stop when one of the kids wake up. I can't imagine if we didn't have help with the house. Already I feel guilty for not being able to spend enough time with Joel, now that baby Mia cries for milk every 2-3 hours and demands serious attention especially during the day. One thing I am thankful for, she sleeps quite long at night, maybe waking up only twice. She takes short naps in the day and sleeps way longer at night. SO AWESOME. Which means I'm awake in the daytime and awake till late at night. And by late, I'm talking 3 am sleepy times. I'd say I'm sleeping at least 6 hours; sometimes I'm breastfeeding Mia in my sleep. I don't know how but it's one of God's miracles that it's possible.
Since I can't do much else while breastfeeding, and the easiest thing to do is use the phone, I'll be on Instagram and Facebook (the devil). Looking at other people's lives in photos, their travels and holidays, the fancy food they're eating, the out-of-home activities they're doing with friends and loved ones. And that just gets me depressed and sad and hopeless and angry. It's made me into someone who compares what others have/do with what I have/do. It makes me forget that every person's path in life is different, incomparable; no point in feeling terrible just because I haven't experienced what they have experienced. It's made me forget that they haven't experienced what I've experienced, so there. I remind myself that each person's experience comes to them at different points in their lives. I don't HAVE to do those 25 or 30 things by age 25 or 30. Hell, I can do them whenever I can! My time will come when I can go for month-long holidays and cross-country trips. I already have so much; everything else from here on out is a welcome bonus.
I try to keep in touch with friends but everyone is busy. So I remind myself not to text too often; you don't want to look too desperate or like you have too much free time and no social life (but it's true I don't have an active social life, haven't had one since Joel popped in 2014). And then I stay away from the phone for awhile and vow to stay away from social media but that only lasts for a day probably. And when I am with my kids I tend to want to use my phone to take photos and subconsciously plan which ones I should post on Instagram and what the caption should sound like.
Instagram is great, especially to expose yourself to other people's art and culture, but at the same time it can make you feel worthless and small and insignificant and therefore depressed.
I need to constantly remind myself of all the good things I have that are way more important. Sometimes my amazing husband helps me out with that (because honestly, there are some bad days). And then I know I am blessed and feel thankful for all that I do have.
I'm only 29, 30 this year (omg), and I already am blessed with 2 beautiful children (Joel has been amazing - sometimes I have to remind myself he's only 2 - about having someone else stealing his parents' attention sometimes), an amazing just out-of-this-world kind of husband and a loving and caring family, a few (just enough) good friends with that one forever friend who's been there all the time despite living a thousand miles away (definitely more than 1000, it just sounds better).
I'm planning on having an actual camera (probably a DSLR) on-hand to capture every day moments. I try my best not to have my phone around when Joel is around, because he tends to want to play with it, too. Yes. He knows how to use a smartphone. It's crazy with kids these days - he's only TWO! He can't read or write but give him a smartphone or a tablet and he'll find his way to YouTube.
Here's to focusing more on the little things, making tiny memories every day and savouring little moments instead of looking into that black hole of a mobile phone.
xo,
D
Happy New Day
And just like that, it's a whole new year. Unless you're one of those people who like to think that time is just another type of measurement or that time is relative. At least, I'd like to think so. I just saw this phrase the other day: "Day One or One Day, it's up to you." Basically saying we get to choose when our 'Day One' is; it doesn't have to be January 1. That's my kind of saying.
So let's not beat ourselves up so early in the year. Give ourselves some leeway. Christmas was only a month ago (like that's a powerful defense) - I only just kept away my tree. I've come to realize (though I do it again and again, anyway) that it's no point in putting too many unrealistic goals for yourself and then getting discouraged and feeling bad about not achieving them Right Away. I know there's no one to blame for this, so I will say it's my fault for spending too much time on - you guessed it right - social media.
Instagram and Facebook has become the bane of my everyday life. Every time after I've used them, my mind is tired from being jealous and depressed from all the self-pity while scrolling. Then I tell myself that I will stay away from my phone for as long as possible, to use it only to make or receive calls and to text the husband for groceries. I usually last half a day at least, and then I just have to check on what other people have been up to in the few hours I was away.
Anyway, I'll go on about it in another post. Yes, I have more to say/share. This post is more about pressing the reset/refresh button.
Here's a few things on my mind for the new year:
- Be grateful for what's happened, thankful for the present and hopeful for what's to come.
- Resolutions rarely work but they're still worth a try as a guide and yardstick.
- start working out 3 to 4 times a week. Do some yoga too.
- work harder to build Kismet Decals to be bigger and better.
- call home more.
- more time spent with Joel.
- less TV, more creative personal work & writing, blogging, journaling, reading, drawing.
Good luck to me with these non-resolutions. I'd like these to be something normal/usual for me to do. Fingers crossed.
xo,
D
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Just a Minute in November
{Shyama Golden's Floral Pattern}
Hello and goodbye November (in a few hours' time)!
It's been a while but I have a valid reason - I was busy going through the final weeks of pregnancy (back aches and preterm labor/contractions, I don't miss you) and then finally giving birth to our second child.
Here's what I've been up to this month:
Reading ... Haruki Murakami's 'The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle' (still!) and just started Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (again). I initially started Harry Potter to read to baby while I breastfed her and while she was awake and kicking with nothing else to do. After a few pages I got hooked again and decided to continue reading it for myself (bad mom alert). And now I'm already planning a Harry Potter movie marathon - I kinda lost interest after the 3rd or 4th one, but now I want to try to watch all of them.
Eating ... quite healthy compared to when I was pregnant. Anything that can help with producing enough milk for the little one.
Doing ... minimal work for Kismet, which is making me feel very guilty. Looking forward to do more once I get back home (I'm currently staying with my parents for my 1-month confinement period after delivery)
Missing ... the husband and our home, though I'm so thankful and grateful to be able to spend our baby's first month with my parents and relatives in our hometown.
Planning ... A LOT - for our house, for my son, for Kismet, for myself; it's a circus right now in my head. Need to get back home to my journal and my stationery and my craft station.
Anticipating ... getting my pre-baby body back and then more 'cos my pre-baby body was still a work in progress and then just as I was getting into a good workout routine, we find out I'm pregnant again (heh).
x,
D
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